i seek validation from so many different places, but all i desperately need is 4 little words: “I’m proud of you”. I’m sorry for who i am, I’m sorry that i don’t fit into the pretty portrait you’d hoped that your life would be, that you’d wanted to paint me seamlessly into. I’m sorry i want to be young and wild and free and a crazy rock star. it’s scary how much i need to hear you sincerely say that I’m good enough, that you’re glad i tried my best. the thing that scares me the most is that, in truth, i may really just be not good enough, i may really just be a disappointment, i may really just be nothing special, i may really just be nothing more than an average version of the me I’d thought i was. maybe it’s because of my subconscious being so acutely aware of this, of my…..unworthiness, that i need to hear strings of reassuring lies. maybe I’m just a failure in denial, craving validation to cover the nagging whispers of the truth that i try so hard to tell myself is just lies: that I’ll never be enough for anyone to embrace me, that I’m never going to be worthy of pride or love. maybe it’s ME who’s sorely disappointed in myself and realize my inadequacy and therefore need all this flattery to keep up the charade for myself, just so i can tell myself that i’m worth believing in and being proud of.